I Really Shouldn't Have
by Hikari no Yami
Summary: An angst ficlet for Valentine's day. Please R&R. Shounen ai. Latest chapter dedicated to Valentines Day. (T.T It's late cause I'm a loser who can't remember dates to save my life) AtoJi
1. The Confession

I don't own the Prince of Tennis.

All my work is unbeated.

If you hate shounen ai (male/male love) get lost.

This is dedicated to Valentine's Day and the plot bunnies in my head.

* * *

I should've known that today was going to be a horrible day; all the signs pointed to it. I should've listened and backed off once the first thing happened. As soon as I woke up at seven in the morning without anyone waking me up I should've stopped. But I didn't, I just shrugged it away as nervousness of finally confessing.

But then all through morning practice my eyes were glued on him, I couldn't even concentrate on my game. I lost. I lost to the ex-regular Taki Haginosuke, 0-6. I couldn't believe it. It seemed that the rules didn't apply to me either since I wasn't kicked off the regulars. Maybe it was his persuasion to our coach; Sakaki always did have a soft spot for him. I should've given up then but once again, I just shrugged it off as nervousness.

All through the day, I didn't once feel sleepy or fall asleep once in class. I think the teachers and my classmates were surprised too. That was the final warning they gave me; and I ignored it.

So I guess it really is my fault that I'm here now…

* * *

I had a bad omen for today. I've always listened to my senses; except for today. I'll never doubt my senses ever again (even if today was the first time).

The day went well until morning practice; not to say that morning practices ever went well. I suspected that there was something bothering him since he kept glancing in my direction. Ha. No wonder he lost to Taki. It took awhile to convince Sakaki that he was fine and it was just a bad day; but somehow, I managed to keep him on the regulars.

The rest of the day was fairly normal until afternoon practice. I watched him; he wasn't himself today, he lost again, 0-6 to the regular Ohtori. I pulled him aside to talk to him; that was probably my biggest mistake.

* * *

I had thought that it was my chance. I was wrong again; I thought that the day was finally going right. How wrong I was.

I confessed to him. I told him how much I loved him. How I loved him more than anything; more than my family, more than myself. I kept babbling on; it just all leaked out. I couldn't keep it in anymore; everything, my secret love for him just flooded out.

That's when he hit me. He hit me; hard. I couldn't believe it, he had hit me. That's when I saw his eyes; those terrifying eyes that promised destruction, those dark, sharp eyes; they held hurt and fear.

I didn't understand. Why was he hurt? Why was he afraid? Ha. Thinking about my stupidity made me laugh, and laughing hurt my stomach. It didn't matter, since I didn't have time to think about it then; before I knew it he had started hitting me again. It hurt, it hurt a lot. The bruises and cuts I got will probably heal in a month or so. But, for him to hit me like that; it hurt; it hurt so much; he never hit anyone on purpose.

Now that I think of it… I was pretty close to passing out then, until the others came.

* * *

I never should have asked him to talk. Never; my senses had already told me not too, but I just HAD to put my duties as their captain ahead of them. But, I never would've guessed what he had to say.

All I could do while he confessed was stare at him. I saw didn't even see him then, I had seen her. All I could think about was her; they were so similar, I couldn't believe it. It hurt to him pour out his whole heart to me; he looked so much like her that it hurt. I didn't want him to; he was being so sincere too; just like she was.

I punched him, as hard as I could. I should've stopped then. I should've controlled my anger. But I couldn't; I just kept hitting him, over and over again. Even when I felt blood on me; I just kept hitting.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I paused and turned around only to be hit. I stumbled back letting go of him. Right now all I can do is repeatedly thank Shishido for hitting me like that; but back then I had been outraged. They had to restrain me in order for me to calm down.

By the time I could think properly again; he was gone. I had seen him leave with my own eyes; he had tears streaming down his red face. I could hear Shishido and Mukahi cursing at me with Ohtori and Oshitari trying to calm them down but I didn't really care. All I could think about was what I had done to him… What I had done to my secret love, Jirou Akutagawa.

* * *

Now I'm back home alone and crying in my room. I'm so pathetic. But even a person like me makes decisions. So now I've made one too. From now on, no matter what he does, say or do. I'll ignore him; I'll stay away from him; because I didn't want to see those eyes again. I knew I would see those eyes again, the ones that held hurt in there. I don't know what caused it, but it was obvious that I had just brought it up again. So in order to protect him, I'll stay him from him. Stay away from my love, my buchou, MY Atobe Keigo.

* * *

TBC?

I haven't decided if I was going to make another chapter or not, but we'll see. Yes, it's short I know. T.T But it's the same with all my work...

All my work is unbeated and written pretty quickly so please don't criticize it too much. But you're perfectly welcome to criticize the story itself and give more suggestions and what not.


	2. The Truth

Disclaimer and warnings on first chapter. Supreme OOC warning for chapter two.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since that incident between the two top players in Hyoutei. True to his vow Akutagawa had avoided his buchou to the best of his abilities. But it wasn't only Atobe that he had to avoid; the regulars were questioning him as well as to what happened since Atobe wasn't giving out any details. Akutagawa sighed frustrated as he walked into the school in the morning straight from home since he didn't have morning tennis practices that day. It wasn't only school he had to worry about either; his amount of sleep at home was shortened to 6 hours a day as well due to certain nightmares with a certain diva.

Speaking of the diva; it didn't look like the man on top of more than two hundred Hyoutei tennis members was doing too well either. Nowadays his temper was easy to flare and light off causing many unhappy tennis members. The members in the Hyoutei tennis club just assumed it as Atobe's mood swings but if you looked really closely the captain's eyes were glazed and were always directed to a certain regular.

But Atobe kept his normal facade on as he entered the school; he was immediately bombarded with many fans with chocolates in their hands. Of course the day just had to be Valentine's Day. Atobe frowned he had been so caught up in his thoughts this past few weeks that he had totally forgotten that today was Valentine's Day. But he kept his facade on accepting the gifts gracefully; he'd deal with the boy on his mind soon.

* * *

Akutagawa was also bombarded with gifts from screaming females. He was a bit taken aback but was guided through the crowd with the help of other regulars who had a pack of females after them as well. Somehow; Akutagawa didn't know how, but he got to class just on time; his hair was tousled and his clothes ruffled but all in all he was in one piece. Akutagawa sighed a bit his eyes turning dark again; usually on Valentine's Day Atobe would command Kabaji to keep guard of Akutagawa while he slept but- He shook his head, he just wouldn't think about it anymore. Akutagawa sighed, his body weary and for the first time in weeks he fell asleep during class.

Atobe on the other hand had plenty of experiences dealing with Valentine's Day, girls and what-not; he actually ENJOIED being molested, worshiped and all those nice things fangirls did. At least he did until this year. His eyes slanted downwards; all he wanted from Valentine's Day this year was to be with him. His mood lightened again after running over how exactly he was going to claim the love of the sleepy regular. He frowned, hopefully he didn't hate him too much yet or else it would prove to be a very challenging thing to do.

* * *

Somehow Akutagawa made it through the rest of the day with his giant pile of chocolates now sitting in the changing room for the regulars. Akutagawa shuddered at the thought of the changing room, just getting inside had been a horrible task to do. The amount of candy and chocolates that the regulars got was just terrifying. They had at least a hundred boxes of chocolates to each regular member. Of course Atobe got the most; like always. Akutagawa's eyes darkened, no wonder he was so disgusted with him when he confessed. With these many female fans who wouldn't?

Akutagawa frowned as he watched the other regulars play tennis; no Atobe wasn't like that, he wouldn't hate someone just because they liked him; Atobe didn't care about gender. If he hated him he would've just came straight out and said it. Then what was the problem? Akutagawa's head felt like exploding, the topic was just too confusing. Then he remembered; he remembered the hurt and fear in Atobe's eyes when he first confessed. What had that been about? What had he said the hurt him so bad?

Akutagawa was so deep in thought he didn't even notice that everyone that had been talking around him had suddenly cleared off. The only person left was the man of the moment, Atobe Keigo.

* * *

"Jirou." The purple haired diva greeted his tone of voice held power and control but there were also hints of care.

The said orange haired boy's eyes darted up. His pupils widened as he saw who it was; the eyes darted front, back, right and left looking for an exit before coinciding to the trap. His eyes stayed glued the floor, "Buchou." He greeted his tone low and quiet.

The captain's mood lowered slightly at the use of 'buchou'; he never called Atobe buchou before, it had simply been Atobe. It put a dampening on Atobe's plan but he continued on anyways, "Jirou-" the said boy winced at the soft call of his name, "we need to talk."

Akutagawa's gaze didn't even shift, "There's nothing to talk about." He replied a bit more coldly than he had intended in the first place.

"Don't make me do this the hard way." Atobe warned; ouch, that had hurt, really bad.

Akutagawa's eyes finally rose meeting them straight on with his captain's own. He was taken aback at how much emotion there was in his captain's usual uncaring eyes, all the emotion caused by him. He couldn't take it anymore as he tore his gaze away from his captain's eyes, "What're you going to do? Hit me again?" He challenged; what was he doing? Everything he was saying was just going to cause more problems!

Atobe winced a bit at the reply; he had deserved that, "I won't. I should've never hit you; I was in my right mind; I know it's no excuse but I'm sorry either way." This apology was nothing compared to the extent that he was willing to go to get him back.

The sleeper of Hyoutei's eyes widened, was he really hearing this? Was Atobe really apologizing for what he had done? With such serenity too? "…It doesn't matter anymore." He lied through his teeth, "You don't have to apologize." He added truthfully; it HAD been his own fault anyways.

The captain looked down at him, "Don't you ever say that again." He growled, it actually sounded much like a purr, "It was my fault entirely." He said, "I… I just lost my control."

There was a pregnant period of silence, "Since you look so much like her…"

Akutagawa looked back to his captain, his eyes widened as he saw the honest look he had on his face. He was almost afraid to ask, "…Who was she?" He asked quietly.

Atobe sighed, "I loved her. I really did. I was only 9, and she 8; but do you know that feeling you have when it's just the right person? That's how I felt." It hurt, it hurt a lot to replay and tell the past to a different person but he deserved to know, "We were always with each other, side by side; Ore-sama and Rika. She confessed to me first; just like you had."

The orange haired sleeper's head darted up in surprise. His eyes widened as he saw the comforting, caring face on his captain; he'd never seen that expression on him before. He felt jealous at her, that this one girl could bring such emotions out of his captain. He continued on, "It was just like how you had said it. The words were so identical, your faces, your voices; the two of you were just so similar that it hurt." Atobe looked like he could go on no more, his usual strong proud exterior had disappeared and all that was left was a regular human that had been through heart break.

"What happened to her?" Akutagawa asked even though he knew he shouldn't. If this talk went on for much longer his captain would definitely break down.

"She died." The tone of voice was dull and cold, "She died in an assassin attempt." He continued on bitterly, "Some stupid business man wanted my whole family dead. They went after me first since I was only 9. It was a sniper attempt while we were playing in the park." His eyes grew old and wearily all of a sudden, "She died protecting me from the bullet," he paused laughing dryly, "she always did have a dog's hearing didn't she?" There were spots of water at the ends of Atobe's eyes, "She died on impact. We found the murderer around a month after; killed him of course, but that didn't bring her back." He voice cracked, "Do you know what the last thing she said to me was?" A breath could be heard; a hitch in the diva's voice, "She told me that I had to live on being proud, strong and find my meaning in life without her." A ghostly smile appeared on the man's face, "Nice words for an eight year old aren't they?"

Akutagawa didn't speak; instead he watched in awe as tears fell freely down his obnoxious captain's face. It was somewhat magical, almost mystical about Atobe crying. He knew that he shouldn't have been admiring the way Atobe looked when he was crying but he couldn't help but stare at the diva's beauty.

A long pregnant period of silence fell upon the two regulars the world around them lost to their eyes. Atobe felt a sudden finger wiping away his tears. His eyes were filled with surprise as he saw who it was. "You're beautiful… You know that?" Was Akutagawa's way of starting a new conversation.

"Jirou…" Was all the great Atobe Keigo could murmur out.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry about what happened with Rika too. But you have to move on like she said; Rika wouldn't want you to be miserable all your life." Said the person who slept through everything and every class.

"Jirou…"

The sleeper blushed, "If you wouldn't mind…" The voice became quieter, "I'd like to have you in my future…" It was almost lost to the shouts of cheering in the tennis courts around them but the captain must've caught it since his face turned a bright red soon.

"I'd like you too in my future too." He replied almost shyly; but of course it couldn't have been shyness, it was Atobe Keigo after all. Atobe shook his head, "No," he corrected himself, "I want you to be my future."

He was rewarded with a giant breath-taking smile and a bear hug.

* * *

Owari

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Ack! The sappiness! Well… People wanted a sequel so… Here?

prods you to click on the button below for you to submit a review Onegai?


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